You come around often and I wish you didn’t. You creep up in my mind even when I am at my best. You make me believe in the very worst.
I am not too fond of you.
Yet, I cling to you when you are near. I explore your ideas and find misery in each and every one of them.
They devour me.
When I am confident and filled with joy, you challenge me. You tell me lies that I often believe because I know that I am flawed.
You haunt me with my past mistakes and make me worry about my future.
You take me out of the comfort of my Lord and savior. You make me question why He is so good to me. You make me believe He isn’t going to use me.
You remind me that I fall short of God’s grace. You make me stumble even when I am running a good race.
You make run to you when I don’t manifest the best of me.
All because I beat myself up about it. I find comfort in relating to you. You sound like you understand me. I relate to your fears and feelings of defeat.
You comfort me yet you betray me.
As if we are not in this thing together. You betray me. You make me my own Judas. You deliver me to the thoughts that believe the absolute worst of me.
You are no good for me.
My redeemer doesn’t want me to live this way. As a matter of fact when it comes to my redemption you always get in the way.
Today I came to visit you for once. To counsel you instead.
To tell you that you are no longer the voice I want to believe.
You hinder me.
You distract me.
You destroy me over and over and over again.
You belittle me and my dreams. You make me question my destiny.
You trade my purpose for pain each and every time.
I’m writing to say I can’t be friends with you anymore.
Your counsel is wicked in its entirety.
How can you tell me I am worthless when I am fearfully and wonderfully made?
What kind of voice would make me feel this way? Like I am undeserving of the very best my Lord has to offer.
Why do you tell me to fear? Why do you drown me when I am in pain?
You do not serve me any good.
Yet, I’ll admit there are times when I serve you.
But I know I cannot serve idols. You idolize the worst of me over everything. I can no longer serve you.
There is only one God in my life and you are His biggest enemy.
You are my biggest enemy.
You are a liar, a thief, and a murderer.
You do not deserve me.
I believe in God and my Bible tells me the opposite of what you want me to believe and my soul knows this very well.
I need Him more than I need you.
”I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.”
PSALM 139:14 AMP
I wrote this letter to my insecurities. To remind us all that when our insecurities call us to serve their purpose, that we can choose not to answer. We can choose the truth over the lies. Although our grace and salvation is underserved the Lord is compassionate and merciful above all else. Last post, The Psalmists Passion reminded us that He delights in mercy. Who are we to deny ourselves of a mercy that is given freely and joyously? Who are we to defy the will of God? Jeremiah 29:11 says the Lord’s plans are for peace and well being. So why do we all our insecurities to speak disaster into our lives? Why do we believe lies when the voice of truth tells us a different story? The Lord tells us He wants to give us better. We have to hold on to this truth when the insecurities fly in.